I know it has been very, very quiet around here for the past month or so. This past week, we closed the chapter of our time in Gilbert with the sale of our first home and moved just a little closer to where we want to live. In January of 2009, this was us:
We couldn’t have been more sure that we wanted to live there. We were super excited to start our life together in our first home that was all ours, nearer to good friends and a church that we found and loved. Back then, it was just the two of us. Oh, and our two pups.
What we couldn’t have known at the time was the difficulty and heartache we would encounter in the four years following the newness and hope that defined us in that photo, or the ways in which we would be changed and molded more into exactly who we are but, perhaps, we just didn’t realize it then. Oh, and all of the good friends we moved closer to at the time? They all moved away within a year of our move out there. Ha.
We learned a lot during our time in Gilbert. And as anxious as I was to move, it was still incredibly heart-wrenching leaving our first home. When I close my eyes I can picture myself there still; it easily feels like we never left the place where we brought our babies back from the hospital after each of them were born. Now that it belongs to someone else, it’s hard to remember anything else besides what we loved so much about living there and all of the happy memories as opposed to the things that made us decide to leave. I didn’t change my mind- I still wanted to move- but I suddenly didn’t want to leave either. Change can be a tough pill to swallow.
All that to say… the pieces fell perfectly into place for our move and it became without-a-doubt clear that it was time for us to go. It appraised and then sold at our asking price to the buyers we hoped to find: a young couple starting their life together in their first home… just like we did. And all the other reasons we decided to move… well, those remained the same. Struggling with change isn’t the same thing as lacking peace about a decision, thank goodness. You know what they say- sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same thing.
It has been a hard four years for us. In spite of that, we were tremendously blessed. I haven’t lost sight of that. I look back on this time and try not to be discouraged by the things that didn’t go the way we hoped and instead focus on how God has used those things as lessons for us to build up a better future. I need to kind of avoid Gilbert for a while so I don’t get all sentimental about our move, but I can already feel that I am becoming more… myself… now that I’m not there anymore. I need to be me in order to thrive and be a good wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend. Of all the lessons I learned in our home, that is by far the best one, because let me tell ya, life doesn’t work out well when you stop being simply, unequivocally, uniquely you. Gilbert is a lovely place to live, and there is nothing wrong with it; it just wasn’t our place.
Lessons learned, there was nothing left to do but capture our last days there, dancing and spinning and swinging in empty rooms, ’til we walk outside and lock our front door one last time and drive away crying because we know we can never go back. But we face our future with confidence because there is so much good ahead no matter what we’ve been through. And we go; and we carry on.
‘Cause we are, we are shining stars,
We are invincible, we are who we are,
On our darkest day,
when we’re miles away,
sun will come, we will find our way home.
If you’re lost and alone, or you’re sinking like a stone,
May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground,
No one’s ever gonna stop us now.